LOVE AT SEVENTEEN...A Lookback

No one knows what's around the bend until you make the turn

When you're seventeen, you tend to think the world revolves around you and everything that's happening in your life is already your future. Don't get me wrong, what's happening in your life is very real, and the laughter and the tears, the love life and the heartbreaks are truly life-changing. During those moments, life simply stops for you. And when parents say that you still have a life ahead of you - believe them! Because you do!  

The things that you go through as you are growing up are steps that have a lesson as you take each one. Sometimes you may not see them yet, but they do. I say this because I've seen this for myself. 

When I was seventeen, life was certainly interesting. My parents were gone, my sister and I lived with my Uncle and his family <3, and I learned about love. Well, not exactly...because I was not really "in-love," I didn't even have a crush on this guy. I was just being my honest self, and saying it as I saw it. 

My crush, well, I had a "great crush" and, oh, how seeing him would make me catch my breath. (Funny how thinking of him now still made me catch my breath). As men would say: "The one that got away." - well that was my crush. I remember how I would suffer through schooldays waiting for the next long break when we can travel to our other "family" (my mom's sister's family <3). Then I would always look at the basketball court across the street around four o'clock in the afternoon onwards...waiting for him to come play there. (This still brings a smile to my lips and a twinkle in my eye). hahaha. But we never spoke to each other...never introduced to each other even though he was one of my cousin's best friends. (my cousin's fault! >/) But maybe that was all for the best. It was fun just looking from a distance, trying to look my best when going out of the house, or going to church, or going to the store....just in case he would be there. 

Going back to this "other" guy - my "puppy love" guy: well, all of a sudden we were going to a dance together...and that was where it all began...before I knew it, he was my "boyfriend."  He was not really living in the same area we were...so it was a "short-distance" relationship. I remember writing him and sending him cards almost every other day...just sweet little notes that a normal teenager who's "in love" does. Being in a relationship with him made me get over the "great crush of my life." And this time I didn't mind schooldays, because he could call me any day...though it was not as often as I wanted to :(.  But whenever he called, there would be this outrageously LOUD knock on our door because you see, we didn't have a phone.  This was back in the day when cellphones haven't even been invented. The phone was at the neighbor's, and their housekeeper was always the one who had to get me for the call. And those loud knocks made my day. 

He usually visited on the weekends, so I always anticipated the weekends with great excitement. Seeing him just brought joy and my life revolved around this relationship. I remember I often felt like I was neglected...that he didn't give me the attention I thought I deserved as "the girlfriend." I put that down to our difference in our age. He no longer was a teenager like me, so maybe that was just how non-teenagers were, I rationalized.  When we talked, he would ask me about our future plans...what car I wanted, what business venture we could take. And I would always respond honestly and end up asking him if he was willing to wait until I graduated from Med School, which really could take about 10 years. If I remember right, he responded once with: "he was not getting any younger and would have to marry in the next five years or so." (But I am not so sure I remember things right anymore.) These things just kept nagging me at the back of my mind but I chose to ignore them. I wanted to believe that my life is a fairy tale with a happy ending, me - the princess and him - the prince. Besides, I was the one he took with him to his graduation party, introduced me to his mom and the rest of his family. That had to count for something, right? Then came the day he had to leave for his work assignment. The separation anxiety I was feeling was so bad that I couldn't sleep. And when he left, the emptiness set in. My childhood insecurities of being abandoned were trying very hard to surface and I tried to fight them back. But, it was very difficult because he rarely called now, didn't write and I saw him only once after that day. That was it. There was no "we're done" kind of thing, no closure...just emptiness and abandonment. I felt like a zombie then, trying to go back to the places we've been, hoping he would somehow be there, asking people if they've heard from him. But alas, nothing. 

A friend tried to comfort me, make me see that the world was still colorful and that there was hope. I tried, but that was all he was going to be, a friend. It was sad, because the one guy who I thought loved me was gone, and the other guy who truly loved me and was there, I do not and could not love even if I tried. 

I carried on with my life: no "puppy love" guy, no "great crush", no "the one who truly loved me" guy.  Mr "puppy love" guy did call once, on my 18th birthday, wished me a Happy Birthday. I said thanks, we kinda got back together then...nothing changed, no letters, rare phone calls...I got fed up, grew tired of trying to convince myself that I was truly loved and "in love", and the next time he called, I just said I was done. And that was that. 

Sometimes I looked back and wondered if I had made the right decision of calling it off. And when I do look back at those memories we shared, they can still bring a smile to my face or still make me wonder how things would be if things had turned out differently. There are some regrets, but nothing major that I cannot live with. 

I guess as you grow older and start looking back, you realize the things you've really learned. And the way you look at those incidents in your life will measure how mature you have become. If you are able to smile and put all those memories in your brain as learning tools and useful memories, then Congratulations! you have grown up! However, if you still find yourself hurting because of all those moments and incidents, then you have to sit back and think...and start growing up. It is never too late. 

P.S.

I did meet my "Soulmate" after a few years...my "One True Love."  And this is a great story, and I cannot include it here in this blog because it is just not in this league. It is too wonderful to just be a part of some other story. It is proof that after your teenage years, there is life...and you never know what you will find around the next corner until you get there. So, take life one step at a time, and enjoy every moment of it. 

When life seems to be unkind...there is always hope

Isn't it funny how we convince ourselves that our lives are perfect? 

Life is a series of ups and downs...I've heard this saying since I was a kid. And I have come to realize how true it really is. There are times when everything is perfect - everyone is happy, contented and not a hair is out of place. And as we are in this phase, we, ever so pessimistic, are always scared of what we might find around the bend. Yes, our downs will always come...and during this trough, we find ourselves confused, alone, scared and grumpy. Sometimes we find ourselves with an ache in the heart..and then we despair and we lose hope. Despite all these, we often find ourselves praying for guidance and enlightenment; no matter how difficult it is, we always find ourselves asking God to help us. The answers to our prayers may not always come right away, nor do they come in the way we expect them to. God works in mysterious ways. He may answer you in the form of a friend giving you counsel or helping you out; or He may use a stranger to enlighten you. Notice how people come and go in your life - some people stay for a little while, and once their mission is done in your life, they just drift away. Some stay with you for a few years, until you grow and  then, like the "short stay friends" they go; and yet, a few stay for a lifetime. 

Everything that happens in our life has a reason. More often than not we do not understand why things have to happen, and then we feel frustrated and alone. The best way to deal with these situations is to try and remember to TRUST GOD. He knows what is in store for you, and as our God, He will not let you fall. If we do, He helps us get up. These falls are not His doing, but ours. He has give us the freedom of choice, and it is when we choose unwisely that we find ourselves falling. Like any doting parent, He helps us up without judging us or hating us.

So when you find yourself down and alone, confused and cold- take heart and give your trust to Him. For He will not let you go. He will hold you in the palm of His hand and comfort you. All you need to do is cry out to Him and He will come. 

THE GOOD OL' DAYS

Chatted with a friend today and it felt good just to talk about the years gone by. 

Isn't it funny how we feel comfortable with good friends, and that no matter how many other friends we might find, they will always be your "real" friends? Someone you can talk to and laugh with...and the distance between you does not matter, nor does the length of time you haven't seen or talked to each other. Strange how you can just pick up from where you were before and just reminisce the good ol' days. And even if those days were not as good as you have it now in life, they are still and will always be the best times of your life. 

Great friends are not easy to come by. We might find good friends, but the great ones are just one of a kind. And if you find the great ones, don't ever let them go, because you might never have the chance to find another. 

The good ol' days...days when we would just go out and have some fun...a lot of stories told and retold every time we see each other. And yet those stories always bring laughter and joy. I am sure that if we were to have a get together again, it will still be the same stories said and the same kind of happiness it will bring to everyone. 

Now we are mature, (don't really want to say "old" hahaha) and we look back at where we came from, what we did - whether right or wrong - and we can afford to laugh and say, "those were the good ol' days." We can be thankful to God for what we have and what we have accomplished. But most of all, we can thank God for giving us such great friends!

JP - "A friendship that will last a lifetime and more...."

It started with the best intentions

Sometimes, even with the very best of intentions, we end up being hurt. All I ever wanted was to help and now I am the villain.

It is difficult to live with someone who thinks too highly of himself. If you call his attention to some little thing he does, just as a reminder for the next time, and he cannot even have the decency to admit he was wrong or even say sorry; then it is bound to create friction and animosity.

the thing is, after talking and laying all my cards on the table, I find out that once again, I have been played. And it hurts...and am tired.

Why is it always so hard to help other people? I am almost tempted to just not help at all and let them swim the ocean on their own. If they make it, well and good, if not, then too bad so sad.

Oh God, hear my prayers. Give me strength and more patience. I am in dire need of them right about now. I will cast my burdens upon you, because I feel so tired and it feels so heavy. Help me Lord Jesus to be more like you.

Thanks

SOMETIMES, NOT OFTEN ENOUGH, WE REFLECT UPON THE GOOD THINGS. AND THOSE THOUGHTS ALWAYS CENTER AROUND THOSE WE LOVE. AND WE THINK ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE WHO MEAN SO MUCH TO US. AND FOR SO MANY YEARS HAVE MADE US SO VERY HAPPY. AND WE COUNT THE TIMES WE HAVE FORGOTTEN TO SAY THANK YOU, AND JUST HOW MUCH WE LOVE THEM.

It's a beautiful day today, the sun is out and the day is bright. My sister is moving to a new house with her family :) and although its a bigger distance from our house, I am happy they have a house they built on their own, and they can experience all the new things entailed with having a brand new house. Sometimes we have to just let them go and let them experience life.

My other sister is stressed and excited all at the same time for her daughter's wedding. It's only 2 weeks from now and being the mother of the bride, she is busy. I did offer to help her, but then again, I do not want to encroach into her space either. So I guess all I can do is offer.

Me, well, am pretty busy as it is. I am helping a former student look for a place to live. They are migrating here and that's a giant step for them. He is a nice guy and they look like a nice family. I feel good being able to help someone. It is just a great feeling - helping people.

Then, of course, there's the migration of my niece as well. I am helping them out too. They will be arriving soon as well and will be living with us for a few months, I imagine.

AS if I don't have enough on my plate, I also am helping my co worker to look for a hotel in NYC. hahaha

Don't you get the feeling that once you help someone, you end up helping a few more? And I think its because it makes me feel great and useful and just gives that sense of fulfillment.

While I'm helping these people, I also worry about a friend who was just diagnosed with cancer. She is the nicest person ever, and very good (in every sense of the word). And I really feel for her and her family, because I have been there, and it is not easy to know someone in your family has cancer. The good thing is, they are in a place where treatment for this kind of disease is very good and there are a lot of new technologies and medications now, compared to when my mom had hers. I sent her a text message to say hello and ask what the docs have said on Monday. I did not want to call or ask right away, I wanted to give them space first, time to get used tot he idea. I just have this inky feeling that her illness won't be ordinary and the road they will tackle won't be easy. But at the same time, I have this feeling that she will get through this. I just have the feeling that God will make a way and heal her.

http://youtu.be/1zo3fJYtS-o

I love this song!!! It reiterates how I feel and it always brings tears to my eyes. But today, the tears are specially for my friend. My heart goes out to her, and she is always in my prayers.

Life is short...we never know what we will find around the next bend. Share your love, and say thank everyone who has in some form or another helped you at some point in your life. Because, really, life is not just being able to exist on your own, but being able to live with and for other people.

LIVE AND LET LIVE!!! LIVE, LOVE AND LAUGH!!!

NEW LIFE

Today I've decided to take my life back. I have realized that the side effects of all the medications I am taking are, I think, far greater and more of a nuisance than the headache I have to deal with everyday if I don;t take them. This sudden onset of laryngitis, for example, is one of them, in my opinion. Add the tingling on my arms and legs, the heavy feeling in my head, the difficulty in concentrating, frequent urination, the threat of developing kidney stones, and having depression, the difficulty in finding simple cough medication for cough relief, to name a few. Gosh, that's not even all of it and I am already overwhelmed. So, I am going to start lessening the dosage of each of my meds tonight to start weaning myself of them, and just start using the Cefaly for my headaches. Hopefully, this would be enough.

I think this is a good plan...and then we shall go from there...onwards we go to a better quality of life ahead of us.....

I LOVE YOU, MOM!

I envy the people who still have their moms around...the ones who can still talk to them, hug them, kiss them, smile with them, laugh with them, just being able to sit beside them even without saying a word and still feel loved and at peace.

My mom passed away 30 years ago, I was in grade school then. I could still remember that day - every little detail, every sob, every teardrop rolling down my face. I lost a big part of myself that day...and I knew that part of me was lost forever. The days passed swiftly and time flew by. Sometimes I would wish that she would come back, even for just awhile, even for just a brief moment, so I could hug her and see her smile, But, alas, life isn't like that. Reality bites, I guess. I tried to look for her in other people, her sisters, my friend's mom, my elder sisters...but no one, no one can ever be her. She had that special smile, that certain walk, that familiar frown...things I would never have a chance to see again. I never experienced sharing stories with her when I was a teenager, nor was she there when I didn't know what to do. She was not there to fix my hair on my wedding day, nor walk me down the aisle with my dad. Sometimes I call her name when I am in despair, and wish she would just be there to comfort me...to give me a hug...whisper comforting words...like saying "Everything will be alright."


When some of you feel like your mom is being intrusive, over protective, annoying and stubborn...stop and think again. Be thankful for having your mom around...be thankful that she is still there, just trying to be the best mom to you. Be thankful that you can still call her to talk, see her smile, share stories with her, kiss her and hug her...because not everybody was given that chance. Don't you know you have the most precious gift anyone could ever have? YOU HAVE A MOTHER. So while you still have the chance, HUG HER AND KISS HER, TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER AND THANK HER FOR BEING YOUR MOM. Because that is the best thing you can ever give her specially on Mother's day.

Wherever you are, Mommy, I LOVE YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. THANK YOU FOR BEING MY MOM, FOR LOVING ME AND TAKING CARE OF ME, EVEN IF IT WAS JUST A FEW BRIEF YEARS, I KNOW THAT YOU LOVED ME AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT ME. I HOPE THAT WHEREVER YOU ARE, YOU ARE HAPPY AND AT PEACE.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!